Yes, yes, isn’t the year going quick? Where’s it disappearing to? Gosh, it’s July already? And all that.
Picture the scene: it’s January and you’ve decided that you’re going to try doing a reading challenge again this year. You gave it up previously, after discovering your neurodiversity, because you wanted to know what you’d actually end up doing if you didn’t try and keep yourself on such a tight leash all the time. But now you felt it was time to try again and see what happens.
We all need a little nudge to keep going, even with things that we love, after all.
My reading goal for this year was a very modest 12 books. One a month seemed doable, and easy to catch up on if I missed a month.
As of the 2nd of July I’m a quarter of the way into book 15 of the year. I’m delighted with that, you won’t be surprised to hear.
But here’s the bit that is a little surprising. I had months where I read nothing at all. The post linked above describes how the AuDHD mind is like a pendulum, swinging between the extremes of intense, narrow focus and wild, broad exploration.
Other than writing, I feel like I don’t have special interests in the ‘usual’ Autistic way. Instead, I have ‘flavours of the month’. I get drawn into something for an extended period, usually occupying the bulk of my free time, only to lose interest after a few weeks and drifting onto something else.
It could be playing video games, it could be painting my Warhammer, it could be learning about a new subject. Right now, it’s reading, and it has been for about five weeks. Case in point: I read five books – over a third of this year’s total – in June alone. Here’s the full breakdown for the year so far:

As you can see, it’s very choppy progress. But what’s interesting is that if you average it out, it’s very good progress for me. Bearing in mind that my best reading year to date was 24 books, and without really giving myself much of a shove I’m on track to beat that this year. Even if I don’t read another book for the next six months, I’ve read a decent amount by my standards.
(I’ll be honest though – I am now pretty inspired to hit a personal best.)
The real key here has been to let go of the reigns of my mind, and the assumptions of how I should be doing things, and instead just let it go where it wants to. It is very difficult – who wants to spend a couple of months dedicating themselves intensely to a project and then just leave it halfway through? Moreover, who can do that easily without constantly feeling guilty at abandoning it and worrying that you’ll never return?
But learning to deal with those difficult feelings has been vital, not just for the sake of my mental health but for the sake of allowing me to reach my maximum potential. I’ll say again – I let go of the reading wheel this year, completely. Reading when the mood takes me, giving up when it doesn’t. Telling myself not to feel guilty if I haven’t read anything for days, or weeks, or months. And the result is that I’m doing better than ever.
That certainly makes it easier to keep on going as I have been.
So, what will the final year’s total be? Who knows. It could be 14, it could be 28, it could be any number in between. But what is certain is that the number I reach is the number I’m meant to reach, and whatever number that is, I’ll get there by reading when I feel like it.
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Photo by Jan Mellström on Unsplash